My friend, is this the guitarist looking for uh, metal band? “Yeah.” Um where are you located? Um Port Hueneme Huh? Port Hueneme Wait, oh Port Hueneme. Okay. Ah uh I saw on the Craigslist ad California, right? It says you’re looking for a metal band, right? What do you know how to play? “Uh metal.” But like what instrument? Uh I play guitar Anything else? “uh yeah but” Um, I prefer to start my own band with guitar Okay, okay makes sense okay, we get it we get it we’re too good for the bass I get it, okay, my friend Okay, so uh I’m in a band called Habibi of the forest. We’re pretty big on YouTube. I I’m located in Bakersfield I want to know if we can work together You know, we’re just missing a lead guitarist coz the rest of us suck you know? Yes, we got our own music. You know, we’re grindcore. We don’t Can you deal with that? Umm I mean that’s all that jazz but I’m really interested bro but I write my own, like covers You’re looking the right way then why are you looking for metal band if you want to write your own? No I think I’m looking for drummers, a bassist, and a vocalist Oh really? Oh snap, this is my chance. Okay my friend maybe maybe we can work something out I can help you out with your record as a drummer Um yeah maybe but we already got a vocalist who is pretty good so Perfect I can play the drums I can play whatever you need them. Maracas my mother’s necklace. There’s anything you wanna play Yeah Yes, I can play anything “Oh yeah?” Okay Well Maybe we can get together and start jamming, you got a drum set? Yes, I got a big big drum set Sometimes they call I call it the big meaty because it sounds very big tough meaty, you know? Alright, can you play double play? Of course what kind of metal drummer cannot play double plays? Sometimes people think I have quadruple or quatriple Yeah, that’s considered. That’s so considered, alright. Ok, perfect we can do it we’re gonna make it big and famous we’re gonna take nudes together. I can’t wait Ooh, fuck yeah you got fucking excited there Okay, but sometimes you gotta think ahead you know, like think a thousand paces ahead I was thinking Habibi of the forest part two What are you thinking? Thinking Habibi of the forest part two Yeah I don’t think that’s Indian but uh, maybe? Maybe what do you mean? It sounds like a good thing. It sounds like very cultural, you know a lot of cultural This almost sounds like a prank call I mean definitely not my place to say that “My friend, if I.” Okay listen “I’m enjoying it” Okay, look my friend Look if I, this was a prank call I wouldn’t be asking you to do something as serious as waste my time in the metal band my friend. Come on Um I hope not Come on man. I’m trying to be serious with you. You know how hard it is to find a band nowadays Well yeah, maybe uh, maybe we should get together sometime, um can you, if you? Of course. “Text me your information?” I will text you my informacion, I will text you my schedule. I’ll sometimes I’ll send dick pics depending Cool no I told you, sounded like yeah I’m in drum, like you can drum I wanna like fuckin hear it Okay let’s do it, let’s do it. Are we gonna uh, what kind of sound we’re going for? You’re going for like like a metal core or like technical metal? Are you going for like maybe old-school rock like something soft or fast? No I’m more like uh Killswitch Engage and Okay, so okay, okay so not like us, okay. No, no wait what, when did I say that? Worldbuilding. “Worldbuilding.” No, no, wait what are you crazy? No, I’m not trying to get exposed. Are you crazy? I’m trying to make it big in the music industry. Come on Well it sounds like you’re just trying to get exposed (laughs) That’s not what I Oh come on man, I mean exposed in a good my friend, exposed in a good way you know, I want to get famous big famous get all the bitches to suck my dick, you know Woah yeah I mean um I’d say you should suck my dick too, but I already have a dick so I knew it. I remember I called you once I called your wife or something I remember I was like is this person there and she was like, no, he’s sleeping night night. Good night Then I was like Oh okay, I call next time Oh yeah yeah, she said, you did tell me about uh showing yourself bro I have to text my Information okay uh, here is my number. You want to write it down? No I’m driving right now so Okay what about your wife what is your wife doing? Give me a handjob too, she can write it down Uh yeah she is so while I’m driving That’s awesome that’s why me and my guitarist do it all the time Oh my god, you can finger her like there’s no tomorrow. Is that true or not, come on ha ha get the joke, right guitarist? For $500, she loves it Okay, my friend we get it. Okay, we get it Chill (laughs) Of course man. Of course, I’m down. I’m down for anything except that kind of dirty stuff. I’m not down for that But anyways, I need somebody to write it down. If not, I’ll just call you later when you get home What time are you gonna be home? Well I won’t be home for a little while, I’m driving from far away Far away, what why are you trying to run away from your problems? Yeah pretty much Where at least you got your wife with you, so that’s all that counts Okay my friend “Alright.” I’ll call you in like in a few hours, okay? Um how about you call me tomorrow? Tomorrow what are you gonna do tonight? You’re gonna have a good time with your wifey? “Yeah pretty much.” Oh my god. Can I be part of it? “No.” Why not? We’re in a band you gotta share, sharing is caring in a band. Uh uh, I don’t share I’m, I’m not a sharer You’re not a sharing kind of band member? What kind of band member are you come on? How am I supposed to expect a cut? Uh Oh come on, man. That means I can’t trust you if we put out an album together Um well probably not You’re gonna be saying oh my friend I cannot give you the money we make millions But I cannot give you because I’m a taker, not a giver. You’re gonna probably take my ex too – come on man Well I can watch you, hey Uh Yeah, you’re right you don’t you don’t want that person she’s You’re right, exactly Yeah, you’re right, all right. Anyways I’ll call you later my friend goodbye. I love you Alright Alright, see ya then (laughs) Oh my (laughs) (laughs) What the hell’s wrong with you? I’ll send you a dick pic